So Hi y'all

It has been an interesting holiday season for me. I am realizing more and more how introverted I am and how that comes out in how I interact with the world and other people. I tend to sit back and observe things and find that I need to work through things within myself before I react or respond. I also find that as an introvert being around some people just drains my energy  completely and I need time alone for renewal. I found that was especially true over Christmas, I was dealing with watching a person in my life treat someone I love dearly with very little respect to the point that at times it felt abusive to me and I didn't know how to handle it. While it wasn't physical abuse, it was snide comments and manipulations or lies that I saw or heard that just didn't sit right with me. I  also saw this person drag their child into some of that, having them hide things and be encouraged to lie to their mother, and treat them with the same sort of disrespect and when I would see or hear it happen I couldn't respond right away because I am the kind that needs to process things before I react, and by the time I saw it for what it was I didn't feel like I could bring it up. That frustrates me and makes me feel as though I can't protect people I love. I also have to say there is a part of grieving the loss of the person I love dearly because they seem to have been beaten down so much that their gifts, talents, and the things they used to take joy in and find their spirit in have been snuffed out and that breaks my heart. I want desperately to have that person back in my life, but it seems they are gone, and I want to protect that person from being even more beat down but I don't know how. So I tend to pull into myself and just try to do what I can to build that person up without starting a war.

The new year has brought with it thoughts of the future and what it holds once I get my degree, that is a bit overwhelming because there is so many places I could go and I am torn between wanting to stay here where I am comfortable and where things seem familiar to the thought of leaving and starting fresh in a new place. I think it is the fact that there are so many options open to me that it just feels overwhelming, that being said I do know Who holds the future and I can rest in the plans that God has for me so it will all be ok!

Finally I have to share I was looking at one of my previous manips that I had done years ago because I wanted to show it to someone who is going through what I went through at that time in hopes that maybe it helped her somehow. When I did I noticed a comment from someone who used to be in my life, man was it weird to think about this person again and to realize what kind of person they were. Toxic, a very toxic untrustworthy snake is the only way I can really explain it, but so devious and used to lying that it came as second nature to them. It honestly made my stomach turn to think about them and the damage they did but then also relief that I was able to see them for who they are and cut them out of my life completely. Thank GOD that he opened my eyes before that person could do even more damage, it just makes me sick to think that they are still out there and undoubtedly still lying and using people and playing the pathetic sick games. That being said it made me realize how much God has been protecting me from being hurt in a permanent way by people like that who saw me as easy prey and tried to take advantage of it.  Oh what looking back can do, you can see things so much clearer and realize why some people were taken out of your life when they were, and why some people were kept in your life even through the hard stuff.

Life is a WILD ride!!

Once this term and the craziness of finals is over I should have some time to post some of the work I have done in my classes.  I love seeing the work you all are doing!!